6 “Break Up” Insights for Love (and Life)

How Leaving My Long-Term Relationship Inspired 6 Invaluable Life Lessons

Gender gap and sex inequality concept as a male and female symbol painted on an asphalt road that is cracked in two as a metaphor for pay or wages inequity or divorce.

Gender gap and sex inequality concept as a male and female symbol painted on an asphalt road that is cracked in two as a metaphor for pay or wages inequity or divorce.

A month ago I broke up with my boyfriend…

It had been coming for a while.

I had tried my best to shove down the feelings… Deny the stirring in my heart… Block out the gnawing in my gut… Ignoring the truth that was scratching and clawing its way to the surface.

I stayed because I loved my partner. I still do. (Always will.)

But love sometimes just isn’t enough. There were things missing that I couldn’t ignore anymore. For better, or worse.

And I knew that if I wanted to remain Unstoppable – in love, life, business, health, etc. – I had to follow this new pull. Calling. Stirring.

(Even though I wasn’t sure where it would lead.)

It was time to take another giant running leap off one of life’s biggest cliffs – and pray a big ol’ net would appear (before gravity had it’s way with me).

While I was terrified to make the jump – just 1 month later I feel: Free! Reborn! Alive! UTTERLY, TOTALLY UNSTOPPABLE!!! (Who knew?)

My energy has skyrocketed. I’ve dropped 25lbs effortlessly. And I’m writing my first newsletter in far, FAR too long!

And after studying this giant leap more closely, I’ve uncovered 6 key truths –– Wisdom I don’t plan on forgetting any time soon. (I hope you won’t, either.)

Wisdom that applies to every aspect of living an Unstoppable Life.

So this is my gift to you.

May it inspire you to take a giant quantum-leap in your own life, too.

1: Never Put Another’s Happiness ABOVE Your Own.

Without even realizing it, over the years I found myself slooooowly ignoring my own intuition, desires and needs – and putting my partner’s happiness over my own.

So slowly it was almost imperceivable (to myself, at least – but definitely not to my friends).

Sure, I knew how much my boyfriend adored me. I felt it each and every day – for years! So the last thing I wanted to do was to make waves, break his heart, or hurt his feelings.

[Yickola.]

But denying my longings were wreaking more harm than good.

I was in denial about the toll it was taking on my own life, and heart…

So if you’re not filling your tank, following your heart, and fulfilling your own mission FIRST – then you’ve only got a half-full tank (if that) to share with the world.

And no matter how hard you try, how much effort you put in, or how much elbow grease is applied… it will never EVER equate to a genuinely overflowing heart. Or true unconditional love.

Putting any other person’s feelings ABOVE your own is actually nothing but codependence and masochism… disguised as love.

2: You Can’t Live From Fear… and Expect to Experience Love. 

When I started getting brutally honest with myself, I was staying in my relationship because of some nasty lil’ beliefs lurking in my brain… Snarky little whispers telling me things like:

  • “You can’t handle life on your own… you NEED him!”

(Even though I was an independent, freedom-lovin’ fireball in NYC for over 2 decades…)

  • “You are totally unlovable to your core!”

(Even though statistically-speaking there are 3.5 billion men out there who might think otherwise).

  • “Something terrible will happen…and you’ll die all alone in a cardboard box.” 

(OK, so I’ve got an inner Drama-Queen… sue me.)

So I started daydreaming about what life would feel like without these crappy little thoughts . . .

When the veil was lifted, I could see the truth lying just beneath the surface — telling me all I needed to know: My heart was calling me forward…yearning for something else

It had new desires. New dreams. New longing…

But you can’t get to that authentic truth unless you’re willing to be honest about your own inner mental garbage – and be brave enough to peek underneath to what your heart wants you to know.

3: The Energy of People (and Places) Can Affect You… Bigtime.

At the beginning when you meet someone… and they become a part of your life… you’re an energetic “match” to one another.

Thing is: Things change. People change. Shit happens.

What’s great for your 1 day, can be less-than-uplifting the next.

And that’s what happened to me: I woke up to the glaring fact that my home and relationship were dragging me down, and holding me back(to no fault of any party involved.)

We unstoppable women have to be mindful of the energy we’re swimming through on a daily basis – from our homes, friends, lovers, diets, colleagues… and more.

Because once you’re no longer a “match” to someone (or something) – whomever has the strongest stream: WINS!

That means if you’re not being uber-mindful — and protectin’ and perkin’ up your energy on a regular basis — you’re likely getting swept down someone else’s river…

And for me, that can show up as: low energy, mood swings, weight gain, financial issues, career lulls, grumpy grumbling, a closed heart… and a general feeling of “blah.”

4: You Don’t Have to Hate Something (or Someone) In Order to Make a Change.

The way most people “break up” with a person, job, home, friend, town, etc. is to to wait until they’re SO flippin’ P.O.’d that they can’t see straight. And they stomp off into the sunset — with a huff, and a puff, and a sour-puss pouty-face.

Blah.

But I strive to do the opposite.

Sure, it’s tough.

And believe it or not: I left my relationship when there were a LOT of good things still left!

(In fact, I’m leaving with overflowin’ love in my heart for my Ex.)

But that doesn’t change the fact that there are some core things I desire… things my heart longs for deep down inside.

To love someone… or some thing… does NOT mean you have to stay.

In fact, the most unstoppable way to roll is to love everything and everyone to the moon and beyond — and using that love as jet-fuel to move you forward in outrageous ways!

It’s a tough pill to swallow sometimes, I know. But once you get it down, the effects are quite sweet.

5: Staying Stuck Affects You — AND Everyone Else, Too.

I’ll admit: I’d become “comfortable” in my relationship… trying to dial-down my desires. Trying to “play nice”. Suck it up. Roll with the punches. Stay tucked inside life’s “box”.

But one morning it hit me: I was actually HURTING my partner by staying (when my heart wanted to go).

During my meditations I was starting to get flashes of his next potential partner – an energetic possibility that was starting to line up for him… and the longer I stayed, the longer I was preventing HIS happiness, too.

Wow.

It’s crazy-easy to get swept up and self-absorbed in your own woes. Needs. Longings.

But if there are other people involved (and there usually are), dumbing-down your dreams hurts way more people than just little ol’ you.

So think twice before you deny your own awesomeness — the collateral damage can reach wider than your wee brain could every imagine…

6: You Have to Take the Leap First — THEN the Net Appears!

You’ve heard this one before. But it can’t be repeated enough:

In order to step into something new, you’ve got to remove your death-grip on the old.

To go from one island, to a bright new exciting one — you’ve got to say “Arriva Dirty!”, get your butt in the boat, and paddle to that distant shore.

To swing from 1 trapeze to the next, you’ve got to let go – and soar suspended in mid-air for a short smidge.

And to make space in your heart for someone new, you’ve got to make room inside (and out)– so that new connection can appear.

But it’s not easy. My brain can go bat-shit cray-cray in moments like these – screaming:

  • What if I make the biggest MISTAKE of my life?
  • What if things don’t pan out – and something TERRIBLE happens?
  • What if life is just one long snowball’s ride to HELL from here forward?

Sheesh.

But having leapt off several cliffs already in life, 1 thing I know for sure: Every single time I’ve leapt – something even better has come along to catch me!

Always. No exceptions.

Sure, the journey to that Pot o’ Gold sometimes is filled with bumps. Pot-holes. Steaming piles o’ poo. But each moment teaches you something. Strengthens your core. Gets you ready for the awesomeness that awaits.

So at the very least – be willing to get naked and honest with yourself about what’s happening in your life.

Be brave enough to tell yourself the TRUTH of your current situation… and what you long for most, deep down inside.

That kind of inner honesty works a magic all it’s own… And begins unraveling you to your very core.

Awareness is, and always will be, the first, most beautiful step.

 

 

© Copyright 2015 Stephanie McWilliams LLC

This entry was posted in Being Unstoppable!, Confidence, Inspired Action, Intuition, Manifesting, Relationships, Unstoppable Mindset. Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post. Trackbacks are closed, but you can post a comment.

Tell a Friend

If you thought this page is useful to your friend, use this form to send.
Friend Email
Enter your message

7 Comments

  1. Taletha
    Posted May 29, 2015 at 11:20 pm | Permalink

    Thanks Stephanie for your honesty and courage. This is what I need when I need it. Living authentically reaps much more reward than living in fear. I’ve been ready to take the leap but I can’t see the net and that feels scary. My intuition is telling me to forge ahead as planned anyway. This message from you seals the deal.

    Many blessings to you,

    Taletha
    P.S. I miss you and our Intuitive You class.

  2. Tiphanie
    Posted May 30, 2015 at 8:46 am | Permalink

    #YAYTruth— This was right on time. 🙂 Thank you for sharing so openly!

  3. Dushka Stocklin
    Posted May 30, 2015 at 1:12 pm | Permalink

    Stephanie, beautiful, fireball Sistah, if you only had to leave the relationship in order to reach these 6 truths – it was worth it! They are priceless. And I am looking forward to the new heights that your further growth will take you. We have responsibility to our higher destiny.Just remember that you cannot rush your recovery…take your time. Not necessarily the recovery as grief for leaving something that will be no more but the recovery of the soul that was not allowed to speak…love you lots! Dushka

  4. Terri Roderick
    Posted May 30, 2015 at 10:22 pm | Permalink

    Just remembe to be “happily” single!

  5. Shelly
    Posted May 31, 2015 at 6:30 pm | Permalink

    Impressed with your open sharing of thoughts and feelings that led you to make the decision. Very helpful! Love being in the UNSTOPPABLE club lady! 🙂

  6. Jesse Webb
    Posted June 1, 2015 at 3:58 pm | Permalink

    Damn, this is definitely poking at some feelings and desires in my own heart that I have been ignoring, playing down, afraid to listen to. THANK YOU for this nudge to get honest with myself about what I’ve been afraid to acknowledge. And BRAVA for taking that leap and following your own heart! Can’t WAIT to see what unfolds for you, oh Unstoppable One! 🙂 Hugs!

  7. Stella
    Posted June 2, 2015 at 10:44 pm | Permalink

    Unstoppable Red Head,

    How is it that you are able to take this thing that is so tender, and turn it around as a lesson for us all?

    No, wait. Wrong question.

    Thank you for for sharing this thing that may be so tender, and turn it around as a lesson for us all.

    Dance on, woman.

    Love,
    Stella

Post a Comment

Your email is never published nor shared. Required fields are marked *

*
*

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>