Why Ditching the Dream of Perfection May Hold the Clue to Your Future Happiness

Funny woman with diaper head showing pain and cryingWhat if you woke up tomorrow, and EVERYONE had a bullhorn attached to their brains (yours included!) — blasting every person’s most-private thoughts, far and wide…

Does that thought terrify you?

(It does for most . . . )

And would you believe me if I told you that this (seemingly) dreadful scenario might actually be the very best day of your entire life?

Well, you will. By the end of this story.

But first things first . . .

My clients always sound SHOCKED when I tell them that I’m far, far from perfect, behind-the-scenes.

Many think I float around in some surreal state of enlightenment, skip everywhere I go, smile even when I’m sleeping, poop rainbows, and love everyone unconditionally, 24-7.

Um . . . yeah . . . NOT.

Yet society has trained us to look to our friends, colleagues, gurus, teachers, mentors, movie stars and other people in power for the Holy Grail of happiness…

And the downfall of all this nonsense is that LOTS of unstoppable women, coaches, healers and service professionals tie their panties into a twist trying to live up to this ridiculously unattainable notion of perfection.

woman with crazy surprised face touching head

Striving for this ideal, dreamy state ends up doing FAR more harm, than good.

Simply because it does NOT exist. Never has . . . never will.

As long as you have a human brain, and a human body, shit WILL happen. Your mind will think snarky thoughts. You will have crappy days. You will screw up. Get sick. Act petty. Hit dead ends. Hurt people’s feelings. Make stupid choices. Cry your eyes out. Have your heart ripped open. And be riddled with shame.

(. . . Shall I go on?)

And while we all tend to avoid these scenarios like the plague… They are a part of the package. The plan. The process of being ALIVE.

Hear me when I say it, Sistah: It’s SUPPOSED to be this way!!!!!

Not only is it SUPPOSED to be this way… you WANT it to be this way, too.

It’s through life’s frictions and fuck-ups that we tend to grow the strongest, learn the most, and become our very best selves.

Don’t like it?

Tough shit.

It’s here… and it’s here to stay.

Young attractive businesswoman with hammer in hands

So what if you and I were brave enough to toss this fairy tale of perfection, altogether?

What if we got more real, honest and raw with one another?

Because for me, I’ve learned just as much (if not far more) from watching my mentors’ be vulnerable; lose their shit; and allow themselves to be oh-so-very-human.

That way I cut myself some slack when I find myself feeling hopeless, broken, or profoundly flawed.

I can stop going to WAR with myself. I get to have compassion, love and gentleness for lil’ ol’ me, instead.

It’s time to ditch the definition of “PERFECTION” that has held you and I back for far, far too long –– and realize that true strength is being brave enough to reveal who you are, and whatever’s coming up… from moment to moment.

To be brave enough to tumble into your own hopelessness. Allow yourself to feel the depths of your rage. To not have all the answers. To let emotions ride you like a bucking bronco. And to lie curled up on the floor in a puddle of your own tears from time to time…

Black and white image of a very sad young woman useful to illustrate stress, depression or domestic violence

But it doesn’t stop there…

It’s also important to SEE… and ACKNOWLEDGE!… this strength in others when they’re feeling the same way…

  • Pat your fellow sisters on the back when they’re showing up as far, far less than “perfect”!
  • Congratulate them on their bravery whenever they flaunt their Hot-Messiness!
  • Start sending a new message that “brokenness” is the new black!

Not only will this allow you and I to cut ourselves some slack. Luv ourselves up. And be 10,000x kinder creatures. But we’ll also heal that old, dusty, outdated mythology that says that only the “Pretty Parts” of you are worthy. Allowed. Lovable.


Because in my book, Baby – who you are, in any moment… at EVERY moment!… is sheer, utter, sweet, soulful perfection

Whether you’re smilin’ and skippin’… or stinkin’ and stompin’!

And only when you can start to love those sensitive, squishy icky-bits (the ones you’ve kept shackled and shoved away for far, far too long) — can they ever get truly healed by the light of your own enormous heart.

Frustrated woman. Real people series.

So if you’re a coach, mentor or healers (or any other woman on a mission) –– cut yourself some slack this week:

  • Strut your weird and wacky wonkiness…
  • Tell your clients that you struggle just like they do…
  • Show your vulnerable underbelly to someone you trust…
  • Reveal a behind-the-scenes “true you” confession to a total stranger…
  • And give everyone in your life permission to let their inner Freak Flag fly!

As you do, everyone around you will breath a sigh of relief — as they finally get permission to just be themselves, too.

Perfection is bullshit. It’s about time we buried that bad-boy deep underground for good.


So now, let’s come full circle, and head back to our starting scenario — where I painted the TERRIFYING picture of your brain’s chatter being broadcast via bullhorn…

If this were to happen, I promise you this:

The world would be a happy, peaceful place — filled with loving, compassionate people.

(“Um…Has Stephanie lost her ever-lovin’ mind?“)

Here’s why:

Because you would FINALLY realize that that everyone is thinking the VERY same thing as Y-O-U!!!

You’d realize that:

  • Everyone feels unlovable
  • Everyone thinks there’s something wrong with them
  • Everyone feels rage, despair, loneliness, stress and sorrow
  • And everyone is scared to trust their broken bits with others


Once you breath this into your bones, the playing field is leveled.

You get to drop your shame. Your shadows. And embrace that you, I, and every other awesome peep on the planet is perfection incarnate

And that is an image that makes this redhead super-duper giddy.

…How about you?

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